Miss Creature

“You can’t be too safe.”

We say it matter-of-fact, even if it’s a complete lie. 

I assure you the following story is a true one, recently shared with me by grade 6 and grade 8 students from an Ontario elementary school.

There is a teacher the students call Miss Creature. 

While most people in the world have taken reasonable measures to protect themselves and others against the ever-present danger of this pandemic, some individuals are inspired to go above and beyond the call of duty in the most dramatic forms our planet has seen. 

Miss Creature seems to be one such individual. 

Have you ever felt the sting of a paper cut? The worst part is the surprise; organizing papers is such a benign activity, it’s like inadvertently biting your tongue while you’re eating macaroni and cheese - an instant feeling of not only pain but shame; how could I be so stupid as to bite my own tongue? 

It’s the same with a paper cut, and if you know what’s good for you, you quietly play it cool and don’t mention it to anyone. Of course, all of us mention it to everyone within earshot as though the universe has turned against us; “Ouch! I just got a paper-cut.” 

Poor little Johnny (we’ll call him Johnny), a kindergartener at Miss Creature’s school, made such an announcement upon paper-cutting himself during recess. 

Miss Creature, the ever-watchful and caring teacher, noticed Johnny’s gaping wound, and immediately rushed into the school, returning a few moments later, donned head to toe in a medical gown, face shield, mask, and rubber gloves. She then applied a bandaid, safely, to little Johnny’s barely bleeding finger.

Miss Creature saves the day. 

When at home, she socially-distances from her own high-school-aged children; they must keep “10 tiles away.”  

I wonder if Miss Creature cooks dinner in that outfit. 

You can’t be too safe.